Went for the audition today... damn.. didn't make it... sigh.....
guess my big breaks gonna come another time then.....
dissapointed... oh well, i'll get over it......
think i'm more of a singer than a DJ. haha

Hey everyone... Boy am i tired.... haha been a long day man.. 8am till 10pm in school.. at least teh day ended off well with choir.. I love choir, its soo fun..
okay okay, i'm a music freak yeah. Love music and everything about it...
That's why otmorrow i'm gonna go down to media corp for an audition with P10, for some radio reality show thing. have no idea what it is abt so juts go down and whack, see what happens.. haha i'm hopeing for it to be a big break for me... not letting any of these chance go by ever again. Doing this for a dream, to become a famous singer. haha
Dreams dreams dreams.... now all i gotta do is find my way to caldecott hill...... haha.. its near by, but have to find the bus that takes me there... if not i'll just take a cab. haha

I hope i make it in tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! *crosses fingers*
neways i gonna go ZZZZZzzzzzz now...

Blog yah another time

Back in school, in the E-plaza. this place in school with a lot of lousy computers for the students to use.
Its my break time lah... now its 2.10pm. class starts at 4pm.... haha just chilling out here checking mail and writing this.

School's boring man... Not to mention the amount of work i have to do... Project this, project that.. design this, design that..... U have no idea how frustrating it is try to figure out what to type when u have to do a program.. what can i say, life as a student sucks..

It has its good point though. Uesterday went for the Legion of Mary's 7th anniversary mass in school. Fr Yeo was celebrating mass, so decided to go down for the heck of it. haha it was good. haven't enjoyed mass in a while.. Met a girl, Cynthia, there. she's in legion and she's very beautiful, with a figure to match.. damn she's hot...

hey, i know u think i'm a flirt, maybe i am.. right now i'm dating ppl, a few, if i can get them out lah. haha. been going out with michelle more often though. I'm young.. i wanna have fun.... =p
Yeap, i'm in a good mood today, i dunno why also... haha maybe cause now got a bit more freedom and time on my hands.
somehow or rather, i can't wait to go down for legion next week. maybe cause i'll get to meet cynthia??? or maybe becuase i haven't really prayed for a while. hmmmm...... dunno.. any way, i'll be back late tonight hah.. school choir until 10. by the time i get home it'll be abt 11 already..

Blog u guys later.

There.. i did it, sent in my resignation letter.... suddenly feel relieved. haha....
i hope they won't call me..... that they'll accept it.
Came back from choir practce in church abt an hour or so ago. Choir is soo fun!! haahaa
Now i can concentrate on many other things that i've been putting off for too long, like trying to find a solution to my problems.....
sigh..... quite tired now.. i'll post again tomorrow.
cioz

One ofthe problems bothering me now, is the fact that i never really got over a few of my ex girlfriends.
In fact i'm talking to one now.... Wen.... Gosh how i loved her.... and talk abt a weird relationship we had... how much shit i had to go through, and in the end i broke up with her cause i couldn't take the shit anymore.... Yet somehow till now, there seemed to remain a little bit of hope that we could get back together.. despite the fact that she's still attached to Kel, whom i honestly feel doesn't deserve her... sigh..... Okay Wen, i know u're probably gonna read this, but no offence yeah, this is just how i really feel. Fact is, in some deep corner of my heart i never let go and i still love her.....

another one is Shao Bing, recent one. broke up like abt 3-4 months ago... wrote me a letter that hurt a lot.. that totally pointted out all my faults.. She totally saw through me.. saw who i am and how i am. She felt she wasn't ready for a relationship, i pushed, she gave in... i paid for it.. my heart got ripped to pieces when we finally called it quits... now everytime i see i her, i can't help but feel so much love for her..... unfortunately that's a hopeless case.. she'l probably never allow anything to hapen between us again. sigh.... i loved her a lot too......

Actually, these are the only 2 that i had sort of a real relationship with that i out in both heart and soul into trying to make it work.... unfortunately, some stuff happened and they both ended.. Thank God i'm still friends with them both... I'd rather die than let these 2 friendships die out....

The other girls i've dated or had a crush on... well, they never really held a firm hold on my heart. except for the ones that blossomed into beautiful friendships.
Daf's one of them, had a huge crush on her, and instead of avoiding me, she stayed with me and now i love her as much as my best friend..... goodness knows how many times she's stuck with me and pulled me through my tough times... Luv ya daf!

Oh well, i hope i'll be able to catch some shut eye tonight.....this is just one of the things i have to work out.....
blog ya tomrrow..

Okay, now i'm at home, got back not long ago... Van wilder is a funny movie, unfortunately a lot of parts got cut... Typical singaporean cinema.... damn censorship board....

I still haven't written the letter yet.. even thinking abt it, my heart pounds... i dun get why i'm so scared.... man..... i have to though..... probably tomorrow or osmething,w hen i have the time. i'm super tired tonight.... I don't know how the other leaders are gonna react man... i dun expect anything from them, except abt the jog-a-thon thing falling on someone else's shoulders. hope fully osmeone who can take the pressure.... and i also hope that no one will call me up abt the resignation and ask me or talk to me abt it....
Sigh......

I guess i'll have to do this for myself. for my emotional self and for my mental self and for my spiritual self..... i need to get away from CYF to grow......
I've grown a lot in CYF and now i gotta find a bigger shelter, i hope they'll understand that.... and i hope they'll understand that if i don't leave now, i'm gonna fall apart and i'll only get worse and worse...... as it is i already have the energy of a dead fish and more and more energy is being drained from me, day by day..........
i need a break to recharge and relax, to collect myself and sort things through...... i have to do this.... its this week or never...... b4 the next core team gathering.....
yet fear and anxiety still build up inside me..... i dunno why.... probably cause of everything that i'll leave behind..... my friendships with them could only get better after this..... i'm sure of it.... they'd support me in this... my friends would support me in this.....

well, i'm back..still in my lab actually. its a 2 hour lab.. i'm bored, just finished my assignment, so decided to come on and maybe rant and rave a little, if u want to call it that. haha.....

I just found out a piece of good news, Michelle, the girl i'm going on date with later is at home on MC, so she can meet me earlier...
hmm.. depending on the time, i might skip my tutorial at 3 and go for the movie with her. so much more interesting..... haha

Sigh..... I haven't penned down my letter yet.. have no idea how to phrase what i want to say.....
CYF has given me so much friendship.. unfortunately as of late, somehow or other, the environment and tone of CYF has taken a turn for the worse, or at least to me.. cause i can't seem to fit in like i used to... Has CYF changed so much? is almost everyone turning into a hypocrite... mabe even me.. You have no idea how tough it is to love CYF people and never get anything back.. many a time i've been left with the thought of why i'm doing all this, i tell myself i love them, that's why i'm doing it, but after going so long without thanks, without being appreciated... its time to move on.. i've out grown the group i so love.. my place is with the choir, where i can do something i love so much, that is music and singing. The only other people that can relate to this are other leaders or ex leaders, as well as the CYF advisors. but what ever it is, my decision stands, i'm resigning. There are people in CYf that i love so much. Daf, Aileen, Amanda (the both of them), Jon, Boss... the list goes on man.. if not for CYF i wouldn't have met them... especially Aileen and Amanda cheong. Both i love so much. they've somehow or rather made a really big impact in my life even though i've only known them for abt 1 - 2 years... yeah.. They are both also really beautiful people. inside and out. I'll miss them, when i'm not around anymore.
I'll stil be popping by once in a while, so i hope to see them when i do. I would like our freindships to transcend CYF, but they have no time, Its the dreaded O level exams lah.. maybe after their exams i'll give them a call and ask them out.. haha.....

Anyway, its almost time to pack up and leave. Blog ya later.

Where am i now? well, i'm in school doing some HTML lab..... maybe somedayi'll get down to decorating this place.
when i'm confident of my html skills that is.. don't want to look like an idiot.

Anyway, i'm jsut really bored right now. my lecturer is supposed to check up the size of an image for me, but he's like helping some other people first..

Today, i've made a big decision. Despite all my responsibilities in CYF, i'm going to step down as a leader... come on i've been one for 2 and a half years already.. i'm tired and troubled, gimme a break will ya.. i need sometime away from CYF to rest and sort my stuff out. Jog-a-thon gonna hand off to someone else more capable to do... i'm just a big goon that can't do anything properly...
haha.....

Have a date tonight with this girl i met who's name is Michelle, gonna go watch a movie. can't wait. haha wonder what movie we'll be watching. any way i guess i'd better get back to work, will update later tonight or something.... after i pen down my resignation and some last stuff for CYF.

First blog entry of many.....
Thank's to my dear friend victoria for introducing me to this......

Well, here i go....
Life i crappy.... i'm a leader in a grp called CYF, section leader in school choir and active in so many things.....
i'm just really really surprised that i'm still up and about..... I'm pretty much drained of energy right now.... Wish i could just heck the world and live life without responsibilities
List of wat bothers me??
Love life is non-existant, casual dating right now...
have to organise a Jog-a-thon for end of the year and i'm so drained right now i'm actually hecking it.....
school's like crap.
family's just really irritating the crap out of me.
friends, i have so little friends.
strange how it is that there's suddenly so little people around when u need someone.....

to sum it up, i hate my life now.. i expect it to get better after army or when i'm married, which ever comes first.

yeap u guessed it, haveing a real lousy night...... going through something i like to call "Quater-life crisis", haha fancy term for typical teenage worries.