Know what... i'm tired.. just tired of trying.. tired of everything.... tired of myself....
I try to remind myself that jesus gave of hiimself that he died on the cross for us but its no use...

True giving is giving of yourself till it hurts

Sometimes you just wish that u'd get something back..... even a little message saying thanks or something....
Am i the kind of person that lets people walk all over me??
I'm quite sure people go, "i'm sure marcus'll understand" or "aiyah, he won't mind lah" When they stand me up, or blow me off, don't ask me how, but i'm just pretty sure thats what they say...
Am i that insignificant? that people forget me so easily? that the friendship that i give can be chucked away into the emergency pile? where people only turn to when they have problems?
when on normal days i go all but forgotten?

Its things like these that make me wonder why i carry on trying to be a friend to everyone i meet, try to be the best person i can be, to be the best friend i can be........
I usually end up with the thought that its not for me, its for them, i'm doing this for them cause i care.
Yet, that particular thought doesn't hold the sway on me as it should tonight....
Its been a really long time since i've actually pondered the thought about giving up on try to salvage a friendship, to just give up......
To carry on as if its never happened, i never made the friend, but i can't, cause she means that much to me....

Sigh....... I guess i'm probably the first one to be forgotten when everyone else is caught up in their own lives and other friends.....
Maybe i don't have a real life, that i'm able to remember most of the people that are part of my life? my friends??? to drop an occasional hi to the person.....
i feel as if i have to keep reminding people that Hey! i'm here!!! i haven't dissappeared.....
I guess i'm the biggest push over in the world.... And that is what i get for trying to give and trying to love.....

nobody said it was going to be easy