Everyone has that particular someone to turn to no matter what happens.

A little chat just to pass the time away, going out to have fun, you'll usually find cliques. And within these cliques are strong friendships and bonds.
I don't think i've ever belonged to a clique. well, maybe got lah.... but when you reach a certain age, the people in the cliques become occupied with other stuff, like Army, Girlfriends, School, just to name a few. and as time goes on, the bonds that once binded the clique together fade away and all thats left is a memory of what it was like before.

I'm still searching for that person that i can turn to no matter what happens, no matter how busy they are they'll make the time to well, talk to you and not get so immerssed in what they are doing that they totally forget about you. The kind of bond and friendship i'm looking for well, there are a few examples of friendships that are in itself absolutely beautiful. Samantha, Judette and Jobeth, the 3 of them have a good friendship going, and i doubt that in the near future, what ever happens, won't tear them apart. Ben and Ethelbert, they have a very good relationship going, i can gather that they've been through thick and thin together and its built a very strong friendship. Just 2 examples that i've observed and noticed.

I'm looking for something like that yet not exactly the same. as i said, its probably something that i'll know when i see it. and i'm guessing that when i finally find it, then i'll know where i belong.
Its a search of trying to find my missing half, that missing part of me. Something in me thats unresolved, yeah thats it, that missing part. I guess everybody goes through the same thing, trying to find that missing part, i'm probably the only guy thats really trying to find it and spending time finding it instead of just living day by day and hoping that it'll fall out of the sky.

Everyone has that particular someone to turn to no matter what happens... Except me

Everybody deserves to the happy

yeah, everybody does deserve to be happy, its just that different people become happy at different times. True happiness, just like true love is the hardest thing to find.
Sure its a choice, and if you make that choice, it doesn't mean you'll be happy, it just means that you're in the mind set that, "yes i want to be happy"
just like the choice to love, "yes i want to love" But it doesn't mean that you will BE loved just like you will BE happy.

A large part of it i feel is when the people around you love you, and the person inside of you is happy.
The person inside of me isn't happy, the person inside of me is empty, cold and incomplete, and until i complete my search, i doubt i'll be happy just as when i'll be loved by the people around me.

How do you love the people around you when you don't love yourself?

I do love myself, I love my cold, empty, incomplete self, and its because i love myself that i search for that missing part of me to make myself better, to make myself happier.
Its going to be a long search, but i'm trying to scrape whatever happiness i can find. Unfortunately it comes in small quantities and seldom......

i'll be happy in time