The day you walked out of my life was the day when i closed the door of my heart to anyone else.
It was the day laughter ended and tears flowed without cease.
It was the day you walked out of my life.

I got that off someone's blog.....
Strange and ironic, that this was there long before i fell in love with her.
Now it rings so true after my heart was broken.

I beg God, that she'll give me another chance, cause that's the only person i know who can help.
I beg God, that she'll talk to me again.......
I beg and plead everyday....
i've begged and pleaded everyday since she left.......

I know my problem now. i'm addressing it....
Its one of those things that i can change but won't affect who i am.......
Its a part of me that's bad, a part of me i'm gonna get rid off.....

Please, forgive me...
Please don't hate me...

As i'm typing this, i am talkng to Jacinta......
This is something she told me.....
If i want to get her back in my life, i have to stop hating myself.
cause if i don't stop hating myself, i'll never get anything done.
If i don't start loving myself, i'll never be able to love her with all my heart.
I have to move on, or i'll never get her back.
I have to let go, no matter how much it hurts.
No matter how painful it is, i have to let go.
I have to stop blaming myself for what happened.
Or else i'll never get her back.
Being friends with her is better that nothing.
At least i have my memories.

Sometimes, God tells you things you don't want to hear, but you have to hear them.
Sometimes, God gives you 2 choices that'll hurt like mad.
I have 2 choices now.......
To hold on and lose her forever.
To let go in hope that one day i'll get her back.
I guess its obvious which one i'll pick.
The latter hurts a lot more now, but might bring joy in the future......

Damn, i'm starting to cry again.......
Its the realization.
I don't have a choice do i?
I don't know how.......
Its gonna take me a while.......
Angie's gonna take me a long time to get over........
She's just so special......
I fell in love with her. For who she is, how she is.
I didn't fall for the outside, but the inside.
But i squeezed too hard, cut off her air.
Now she's running scared, running far away from me.
A monster.

I've change myself back into a man.
A person...... I've to wait out that fear....
What have i done..........
I don't have a choice anymore........

Goodbye my precious angel......
If i never have you again.......

Please Lord, help me........
That you'll bring me joy in the future.....

Angie, i'll always love you. maybe a different kind of love, but i'll still love you.
please don't hate me anymore.

Lord, please let us be together again.
Lord let it happen again.
If it doesn't, then help me be happy....
Please lord, lend me your strength......