I ask that you not judge me.
I ask that you have patience with me.
I ask that you tolerate me.
I ask that you forgive me.

This isn't easy. sometimes i slip.

It seems that we only seem to argue.
It seems that we need our space.
It seems that we need our time to heal.
It seems we need our time to get over each other.

Sometimes i slip. Sometimes its just overwhelms me.

Please don't judge me based on 1 entry in this blog.
You think i'm vulgar. I'm telling you i'm not.
Sometimes i lose control, that night i lost control.
Somethings you can't unlearn.
I try to avoid using it. I try to not use it at all.
That's when i'm in control. That night i lost control.
I hated myself for what i did.
I hated myself through and through.
I blame myself for all that's happened.
In large part it is my fault.

Now it seems hopeless. I'd like to salvage what we have left.
Its tough for me to walk down this path.
I keep tripping and falling.
My personal wants and my personal desires are irrelevant.
Yet these always get in my way.

I have hoped, and i still hope.
Yet i pray that i have not destroyed this hope myself.

Mortuus Cor, Infelix Animus.
My heart has died, my soul is barren.
Void of life, a vacuum for love.
Empty and hollow.

We both need our time, to mend.
We both need time, before you'll listen.
You've closed yourself to me.
You won't even let me explain.
Somethings about me you have to know.
But i can only share with you when you're ready to listen.

As friends perhaps its better.
Better for us in the long run.
Better for us right now.
Perhaps that fear, might never go away.
Perhaps i'll never get the chance to hold you again.
As friends perhaps its better.
Perhaps its better....
Perhaps i'm hopeless....
Perhaps i'm dead....