I wrote something a few days back, that i'm afraid to post on this blog....
I've shown it to a few people.
Same comment i've gotten, its very dark, depressing, despairing.
I dare not post it here, y?
well, cause i'm scared i'll spoil the mood of those who read it.
so i'm keeping it to myself.

I seem to have a knack for blowing things up and making things worse.
i'm too careless for my own good.
I should stop and think about what i'm saying before i say anything.

Simply put, i'm not in good shape......
There's this huge hole where my heart used to be.
Its just empty now. this big empty space.

I've to be strong?
I've to carry on?
yeah i know.....
I've to show everyone around me that i'm strong enough, that i've grown enough to stand on my own?
yeah i know.....

Actually, right now........
I've to prove to myself a lot of things.....
That i can be who i am......
That i can be strong.....
That i can get over this.....

I've been shaken to my emotional foundations and found out they aren't as strong as i thought they were.
I have to rebuild it again.......

Vulnerable again? yeah.
Always have been.
More vulnerable now? maybe.

I used to be stronger than this.
I guess i have to climb back to where i was.
Be who i was again, with a few minute changes.
I guess i can only learn when my face has been smashed and rubbed into the dirt.

Wake up tomorrow and try to be happy?
Its hard, but i'll try......

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger?
yeah. This nearly killed me. at least i'm not dead.

I've become numb to things.
Like i don't feel anything anymore.
Like i've become numb to it.

Oh well....... Time to climb out?
i guess...... its time for a lot of things.......
Changes........

It happened, now its over.
i've cried over it, i've pined over it.
now its over. get up, dry your tears and move.
Its not going to be easy, but try.
at least you know you fought.

Strength comes from within.
you have it in you. just have to find it.
Ask god for strength, he'll lend you his.
He'll lift you out of this pit and set you on a mountain top.
Trust in him and he'll do work miracles for you.
Such is our god's nature, for he is love.

Try and Trust.