Oh God... she's i think she's ignoring me today..... i've mesaged her cause i really wanted to talk to her.. but no reply to my messages....
Sigh.... i hope it doesn't carry on till tomorrow, so at least i'll be able to take her a side and talk to her.. i really need to clear this up...
please let me clear this up.. oh god.... talk about a big mess i've made........

I am such a bloody idiot!!!!
Trust me to ruin a perfectly good friendship....... She's been angry and upset with me for the past 4 days..... GOD!!!! HELP ME!!!!!
I don't want to lose the friendship i have with her! Please!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!............. I had to be insensitive, i had to be a jack ass, i had to be a complete arsehole.....ARGH.........
*bangs head on wall*

Why does this have to happen now..... when it was going so well, had someone i could connect with, could talk to....... and i had to ruin it.. only me..... had to be me......
Such a fool..... to let a friendship like that slip out of my hands... now she's not talking to me.... at least i don't think so... please let her forgive me.. i've apologized... i'll do more than that if i have to just to get her back as a friend.... ARGH!!!

I am such an idiot.... probably the biggest and dumbest one on earth........

4 days since i last wrote.... and its been a longer period of time since anything interesting has run through my head...
All i've been feeling is despondent..... Well, Valentine's Day is coming and i guess its cause i don't really have anybody special to celebrate with...
The person i wanted to spend it with isn't free nor is she free the day after... just found out today, so there go my romantic plans out the window.. guess i'll save them for another time. and i'll just surprise her on Friday... if i get the chance to........

Oh well..... Despondent... i hope this feeling leaves me soon... its not that i'm not trying to drive it away, its just that it keeps coming back, there isn't anything to sustain my joy... at least nothing regular... Its amazing how much a phone call at night can sustain u.... Especially phone calls from certain people... I miss them, though its been only a day or two since i've seen them......

Its probably because i'm feeling despondent that my moods been swinging like crazy... one minute i'm laughing for no reason, another i'm pissed off like i dunno what, another i'm like feeling sorry ofr myself.. i mean.. i've lost all control of myself.. i'm not so much in control anymore as i once was... maybe its just cause i'm tired..
tired of all the bad things, tired of the drudgery of school, of my responsibilities....... I know someone out there who feels the same way as me and goodness knows how many more i don't know... Well, yeah i understand and i'm just a call away if u wanna talk.... yup.....

Nothing else......