Heaven Knows
(Rick Price, Heather Field)

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows

Know what... i'm tired.. just tired of trying.. tired of everything.... tired of myself....
I try to remind myself that jesus gave of hiimself that he died on the cross for us but its no use...

True giving is giving of yourself till it hurts

Sometimes you just wish that u'd get something back..... even a little message saying thanks or something....
Am i the kind of person that lets people walk all over me??
I'm quite sure people go, "i'm sure marcus'll understand" or "aiyah, he won't mind lah" When they stand me up, or blow me off, don't ask me how, but i'm just pretty sure thats what they say...
Am i that insignificant? that people forget me so easily? that the friendship that i give can be chucked away into the emergency pile? where people only turn to when they have problems?
when on normal days i go all but forgotten?

Its things like these that make me wonder why i carry on trying to be a friend to everyone i meet, try to be the best person i can be, to be the best friend i can be........
I usually end up with the thought that its not for me, its for them, i'm doing this for them cause i care.
Yet, that particular thought doesn't hold the sway on me as it should tonight....
Its been a really long time since i've actually pondered the thought about giving up on try to salvage a friendship, to just give up......
To carry on as if its never happened, i never made the friend, but i can't, cause she means that much to me....

Sigh....... I guess i'm probably the first one to be forgotten when everyone else is caught up in their own lives and other friends.....
Maybe i don't have a real life, that i'm able to remember most of the people that are part of my life? my friends??? to drop an occasional hi to the person.....
i feel as if i have to keep reminding people that Hey! i'm here!!! i haven't dissappeared.....
I guess i'm the biggest push over in the world.... And that is what i get for trying to give and trying to love.....

nobody said it was going to be easy

Last night, i mailed my thoughts on the school system and on teacher's teaching attitudes into the straights times.... haha i hope they print it.. haha... oh well..

Rightnow, am talking on ICQ with Su Anne, new girl in choir.. haha.. the funny thing is, when she came in tothe choir the first time, i could honestly say that all the guys heads turned and followed her. haha.. till today she has that effect on guys. haha... then again she's about a month old in the choir.. what a waste, if only she was in second of first year.. haha.. =p

okay haha... today found a new game. haha Battlefield 1946. damn cool. like CS lah, but nicer.. aahhah
had a blast with Lai and the rest of the guys. haha.. just went there to play....

As i'm sure a lot of people agree with me, being broke sucks. haha... no money to do anything and singapore pretty much everything cept the air need money... hah

nothing much to say today.... oh well.. i think cause of the lack of air my blocked nose is causing, i'm not really thinking much. haha.. jia lat. common test on tuesday and wednesday. haha die lah

anyway, i'll stop here for the night..