I'm in one of my irritated moods again. Then again, whenever i'm home, i'm pretty much perpetually irritated.
Irritated at myself mostly. Gotta find more stuff to do instead of sit here and rot.

Its been around since i last wrote. lots of stuff has gone through my head. mostly about my future.
A lot of people have told me and warned me that i probably might screw up the rest of my life.
My future right now hangs in the balance. Every decision i make from now till i start up my cafe.
i could either throw a wrench into the works or add lubrication. i can only hope and pray to God that i'm doing what he's planned for me.

My mind's been so muddled up lately it even hurts to think. This is the reason why i hate being alone, why i don't like going out alone or doing stuff alone.
I think and i think too much. my mind starts running wild with thoughts. one thought leads to another and next thing i know its clogged up.

Been having a string of weird dreams lately. Dreams about the people around me. Yet they make a lot of sense. Telling me and clarifying what i'm feeling and how i feel.
By being able to see through the looking glass at myself and what i am thinking. Its refreshing.

Had a reprieve from my mind yesterday. Went for the HillSongs concert. Met someone that i thought i'd never see again for a long time. Sheryl, my cathecist from CTK.
She's really one of a kind. She was one of the influences that got me active in church. taught me the importance of god in my life and taught me to seek him first.
Brought back memories of class, brought back memories of what i was like last time. She genuinely cared and loved us. though back then she was about 24. i think she's almost 30 now. During our short catching up session, she still does love and care for us. I realized one thing, back then we weren't just her students. we were her friends.

Had a nice chat with Kellin whilst sending her home after the concert. Talking about our futures and we planned to do. It was a good chat. can talk to her. comfortable around her. more comfortable around her than with a lot of others. i guess its just the warmth of her personality. indeed a rare find. i'm lucky to have her as a friend.

I've had so many blessings in my life, yet haven't really been thankful for them. instead i've been taking them for granted. Meeting Sheryl, experiencing the concert, talking to Kellin, writing all of it out now. its cleared my head a little.

I look and see things differently now. Not like how i used to see things or people. Be it for better or worse, i don't know. Only one being can be the judge of that.

Its been roughly a year since i started writing my blog. The story of the past year of my life's in black and white. So many of my thoughts and emotions. Every single thought and emotion still fresh in my head. All the life shaping, character building moments. Made me into what i am right now at this moment. Yet the fruit of its labour won't come to bear so soon. I'm still a work in progress, with lots of things to learn about life, love and God.

"Its impossible to describe God's beauty in just one lifetime. No, not in one lifetime but even an infinte number of lifetimes is not enough."

Thus is God's beauty. I felt it yesterday. And i'm still feeling it. God is love. Its a feeling that i haven't felt in a while. I guess its cause i haven't put myself truly into thanking and worshipping him. Yet, yesterday he started a fire that i thought had died out and would never light again.

I leave you with words that i haven't said and meant in a long time.

Thank you lord