letting go.......

sometimes loving a person involves letting go...
sometimes loving a person means doing whatever it takes to make her happy despite how painful it will be.....
its gonna take me a while to let go......
its gonna take me a while to let go of you.......

There's still so much in my heart, waiting for you....
now you'll never know what i wanted to do for you....

letting go is always the hardest,
moving on is always the toughest.....

i want to wait.. i really do... but i guess a part of me will......
the rest of me will be moving on... because you've forced me too......

Whenever you get hurt, i'll still worry perhaps more than a normal friend would...
whenever you need me i'll still be there in a heartbeat.
yet exiled to friendship will i always be.......

perhaps one day, by letting you go now,
you'll fly back to me, so i can love you again.
but now i'll have to move on......

every part of me screams NO
every part of me tells me its wrong,
but for you i'd do anything, even if it means letting go....

Goodbye love, i'll put you to sleep now
Goodbye Emotion, i'll have to keep you away
Good bye my Angel.........

Heaven Knows
(Rick Price, Heather Field)

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows

I'll never stop waiting...
even if it kills me.
Love will find its way through,
i just know it will....

i'll rather bear this pain, bear this suffering.....
If its meant for me, its meant for me....
i believe you're meant for me.....
i'll die before i give up, i'll die before i stop waiting....
if i die alone then so be it... at least i'll know i'd have lived believeing and waiting for something worth it.

I'd go to the ends of the earth to find you if i had to.
i'd go to the ends of the earth to rescue you if you need help.
Please cry your heart out, then come back to me.

I built a palace in my heart for you.
Now i'll not have space for another.
I won't make space cause this heart is yours,
to take with you where ever you go.

I'm sorry i'm being stubborn about this,
i'm sorry i'm not moving from this.
I believe one day you'll change your mind.
i believe one day you'll be by my side again.

i pray and beg god everyday,
that we'll be together.
i pray and beg mary to pray,
that our love won't dissappear.

If nothing will change your mind,
then i'll remain single all my life.
if nothing can change your mind,
then i'll spend my life praying that you'll be happy.

Its a belief i can't shake,
its a vow i shall not break.
i'll wait till the end of time,
just to have you by my side.
one day you'll relent, one day you'll change your mind.
in the hope of that one day, i'll wait forever.
in the hope of that one day, i'd suffer now and love you still.......

Sometimes i find myself opening up the MSN chat window, just to look at her picture.
i find myself waking up in the morning wishing that i still had her,
wishing that i could still hold her.

i sit in front of my computer and suddenly, a flood of pain rolls in.
makes my heart ache, makes my tears well up.......
I made my choice, i'll stick by it.
I'll love her from afar, cause i can't love her from up close.

i can't stand staying at home, i can't stand thinking....
i guess i'm still hurting.... i guess i'm still in pain.
i hate the what if's that cloud my mind....
i hate the maybe's that invade my thoughts.....

i can't not talk to her,
i can't not sms her....
i can't not have any contact with her....

yeah, i should give her space.....
yeah i should give her time.....
i can, and i will, but i can't not contact her.....

everytime i look at my phone....
i wait for a message from her.....
everytime i look at my watch....
i wonder what she's up to....
i seem to know how she's feeling....
i seem to know her moods....

gosh i miss her so much....
its a longing for her, for her touch, for her embrace....
for her smile and her voice.....

i miss her......

A Decision

Dear, if you read this, don't cry. don't try to talk me out of it.
just as you made your decision, i've made mine.
i think you're worth waiting for. i think i'll probably wait till the end of time if i have to.
I've never been more sure of it.

It might seem silly.
It might seem dumb.
why am i gonna waste my life on a maybe.

I've decided to wait.
on the chance that my dear will still want me when she's ready.
On the chance that there's still a fture of us.

Silly i know, waste of time, maybe.
I've made up my mind, nothing changing it.
Love will find a way, and i know there's still love between us.

I love her so much, more than even Shao Bing.
I connect with her, so much more than anyone.
She knows my feelings and i know hers.

I'm not gonna give up on this love.
I'm not gonna give up on this relationship.
I'm not gonna give up on her.

Dear, its your choice.
Dear, take your time.
I'll be here waiting, and loving.

I'll be your friend, through thick and thin
I'll be your companion through tough times.
I'll be your love, cause thats what see's us through.

I may end up single the rest of my life
I may end up without much of a life
All on the hope i'm gonna spend it with her

Take as long as you want.
As long as you become ready.
I'll be waiting on the sidelines, for that day to come.

Please come to me when you're ready
come to me when you're alright.
just come to me.......

I love you dear...
i'm gonna stay single...
gonna stay single just till you become ready.

I love you

Speaks for itself.

Phil Collins
Against All Odds
How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there’s just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take

Take a look at me now

I've Lost her

I've lost her. For good.
I don't know what happened......
It just did....

I'm crying again.........

My fears have come to pass......
whatever i've built have come falling down on my head again...
I'm back in my pit.......
Not as far down as before but still in it none the less.....
I didn't see it coming... it just happened.....
One day it was fine, the next thing i know.........

Its gone..... never to happen....
in the future, maybe..... when she's ready....
if i'm still around....
i don't know anything now........ i don't know whats going to happen.....
i don't know.......

i don't want to make any decision now......
i don't want to do anything......
i just want to sit here and cry........
i just want to sit here and hurt.........
Pain's a friend now.......
i'm so used to its company.....
just let me sit here and hurt.......

just let me be.......

I woke up this morning and i had nothing to wake up to.
My dear and i are either taking a break till her O's are over or we might not be together again...
i'm hoping that we'll be together again after her O's... they end tomorrow...
I was distracting her too much... i wasn't thinking...
I'm sorry....

Since last night, till now, i've felt like crying.
I've come to love her so much. Its only a month, but i've come to love her so deeply.
I've come to love the person she is. the mind she has.
She's my angel. she brought light into my usually dim, dark world.
I love her still...

I don't want to lose her... Not now, not ever...
I don't want to lose her............
broke down last night, never thought i'd do so again.
but it happened, i broke down last night.
the thought of losing her terrified me.
now, my fears have come to pass. today i feel like i've lost her.
i'm gonna try to win her back. By changing, by growing.
I can't bear losing her... its the thought that i've lost her that hurts.
its that thought that makes me tear. that makes me cry.....

Oh god, i'm crying now..............
Oh god.......... help me...........
please don't let me lose her........ please.....
oh god......

i really dunno what to do

i really don't know waht to do now.......
i've calmed down and i'm trying to talk things out with my dear.. she's angry at me.....
probably about how i reacted......
i'm really sorry dear.....

i just hope she'll calm down so we can talk it out......
sometimes i'm such an idiot......
you know i am too self centered.....

Lord help me please

gotta start thinking for other people.....
gotta start thinking about what its like for other people......
my gosh what have i become.........
oh god i'm sorry.......

Damn pissed lah.....
not at anybody but about how sometimes things can turn around on you so fast it just slaps you in the face.........
Firstly, thought 18th can go out with my dear... had a plan in my head.. nice good plan......
sure why can't we shift it to another day, but its just sorta the dissappointment lah.....
its the dissappointment thats making me pissed..... its how the situations turned out.

her grandma's wants to celebrate her birthday about 4+, 5.
Sure we still can go out befroe that since her paper finishes at 10.
But she wants to go home first...... How long she's gonna stay home, she doesn't know.......
What do you want me to say.... shift it to another day loh.. the 19th loh...
not like i have a choice or say in the matter....

i'm sorry lah, but i just can't help feeling super pissed at the dissappointment loh.
its like you look forward to it for so long, then suddenly someone shoots a pin at your balloon.......
ARGH!!!!!!!! super disappointment and utter devastation..........

Been waiting for this day for about a month plus liaoz. 18th of november, can finally go out with my dear.
then now....... i dunno what to feel lah...... its like...... tsk........ dunno lah........
argh...... i'll just go plan something else to do when i get to go out with her.

Its just that right now... this minute.. this instant.... 945pm
I feel like screaming, i feel like shouting, tearing something up, and crying. all at the same time.....
I just wanna punch something now............ ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate it, absolutely hate it when this kind of thing happens..........
just hate it.....