Revelations? maybe

Haven't written in a while...
been tired and been bummed.. pretty much sums it up.

During this period, well, lets say some stuff has been revealed to me.
On 2 occasions, i almost could have lost my life.
Yesterday, was in the middlee of work at SITEX, suddenly i couldn't breathe. felt like an asthma attack man.
Colleagues sent me to the doctor, was alright after a while... memory pretty fuzzy. i think i blacked out on the way back.
then on another occasion, i was on my way back, almost got run over by a car. on these 2 occasions, there was one constant factor.
The first person i thought about, was Her. I guess it speaks for itself. I was worrried for her, like what was going to happen to her, how'd she feel, how'd she react.
I was concerned for her more so than myself..... strange? i think so. i dunno. i dunno.

I'm letting go. slowly but i am, yet, i also realized one thing talking to my friend about what happened and how i felt.
she told me and shared with me how she was feeling, cause she's going through something similar now.
and i guess i understand. When you're faced with your future at a young age, you'll tend to do what's best for your future, no matter how painful it is to let go of what you have now. Fear? yeah. it is, not wanting to commit into something too deep, so by ending it off early, it'll lessen the eventual pain.
I don't know if thats true in our case, but in any event, when you feel like it, please explain why you did what you did. not only would it help me heal, it'd give me closure. and i guess i sorta need it right now. believe me, i'll understand. if you don't want to tell me, then its alright too.... no worries about it. but i guess you didn't expect me to love you this much.

As i'm typing this, i'm still in love with you. deeply in love with you and i miss you a lot. but you need the space and time. and i'm going to try to give that to you. i just hope you'll sms me once in a while, tell me how you're doing. i'll drop in a message like every night, just to say good night or a hi. just to let you know first.
Moving on, yeah i'm trying.....

Could i have experienced what is the beginnings of true love? i don't know....
True love is God's love i guess. but in the relationship sense, perhaps. cause i told myself, i'll love her no matter what happens.
which is something that i'll do without fail. i can't imagine not loving her. i just pray perhaps its the same on her side.
i never thought i'd ever see perfection, but in her i see it. She's just so beautiful, so stunning. most of the time it leaves me floundering.
its not just how she looks, but how she is. She's young i know, but there's a lot of maturity in her. there's a lot of good sense in her. but what really caught my heart is her heart, just how she is, so much warmth. when i'm in her embrace, i never want to leave.
i've found perfection and thats when i'm with her. i'm happy when i'm just spending time with her. doesn't even have to be alone, just being out with her, i'm basking in the sun. Its really hard to move on from that. cause it just seems like there's no where else to go.
Perhaps i have a ways to go before i'm supposed to reach this point. i guess somewhere along the lines i took a short cut and now i'm supposed to go back to where i came and find my way there again. i don't know.

All i know is, there isn't any joy in my life now that my angel isn't there with me anymore.
or at least nothing can compare to it.

My friend told me, "move on, but don't close your heart. Maybe one day when she's ready, she'll come back, and if you're with someone else then, you'll have to make your choice there and then, but move on cause its what she needs right now, time and space to sort out what she wants." i replied, " i'll probably drop my other relationship just to be back with her, but what if she doesn't come back?" then my friend told me, " If thats what you're gonna do then so be it. If she doesn't come back, then so be it, just be happy it happened." Makes a lot of sense... I just think, that if i believe in it enough, if i pray for it enough, it'll come to pass. Told my friend that too. she said, "maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but right now what she really needs is time and space. no matter how much it'll hurt, you still have to cause if you push now, you'll end up driving her away"

I love talking to this friend of mine. though she isn't very much older than me, she has wisdom of experience well beyond her years.
I guess i'll have to give time and space for healing to be done and thoughts to be set straight.
but i'm still going to be loving you. you told me that if your feelings for me don't fade, you'll tell me.
I'm holding you to that.

As we walk our paths of our lives,
may we one day be reunited at this point,
where feelings were true and love abounded.

as we travel down the path of life,
may we one day cross paths again at this point,
where happpiness knew no boundaries.

Move on i must, yet
I love you and i miss you still.
i might pine for you the rest of my life.
cause i'll never be able to find someone, that surpasses perfection.
i glimpsed the future and i saw you.
i glimpsed the future and it was you.
i know it now as its clearer than ever before.
i pray we'll cross paths again. till then.
i love you and i miss you.