Gonna take a little break from song writing tonight....
Somehow my Sunday's have become the worst day for me.
Its the day when my depression somehow hits me the hardest.
I'm probably fighting a fruitless battle.
I'm uncertain of how she feels for me.
Regardless of how i feel for her.
Nothing i say or do, nothing i feel can warm her heart to me....
She's super cold towards me.... i can't take that....
i can't stand this.... i can't stand all the pain...
i don't mind being ignored.. but being ignored by her is the worst...
Why? cause it hurts the most.....
I write on my blog, the things i cannot say.
the things trapped in me that i have no way of letting loose.....
Yes, this is my weak, my vulnerable side.....
yes this is a chart of all the pain i go through.
also of my joys.. yet with recent times, joy seems to avoid me like the plague.....

I understand teh fact that nothing will ever be the same again.....
I also understand the fact that both of us have changed.......
Still it doesn't stop me from loving her.....
Still it doesn't stop me from wanting her in my life.....

I know i can be scary, the way i think and talk about things.....
I seem to think too far ahead and i know it scared you.....
I'm sorry if it did...... i won't mention anything about it in future......
if it scares you, i'll not say anything.....
I know i can be a too possesive at times....
I know you need your space.....
I'm sorry if i suffocated you or choked you of your freedom....
It won't happen again.... I know these things now.....
I know saying these things now maybe too late, and maybe useless, yet i have to try....
i know i say teh same things over and over again... thats cause i don't know what else to say.....
Say nothing, sure i could just shut up....
If it'll bring you back to me, i'd do anything.....

I doubt you'll ever read this..... I doubt you even surf into my blog anymore...
But on the chance that you ever do.
i just want to tell you.....
I still love you. as much as when i got to know you.
some people say don't love a love that hurts.
but somehow, i just believe that in the end its all going to be worth it.....
I'm sorry for everything, for all the pain, for all the headaches, for all the tears.....
As sorry as i am, i just hope you'll give me a second chance....
to right my wrongs..... a second chance to at least try to make it work again....
i know its been roughly a month..... but i'm still asking the same things....
i hope you'll change your mind someday........
I hope at least you'll start talking to me again......
at least let me know how you feel again.......
at least give me a second chance at life again......
please, i'm begging...........
on my knees, i'm begging..........
i pray that you still feel for me as i feel for you.....
i pray and i beg....... that's all i can do now.......
i pray and i beg, that you will allow me to love you again........
that you will let me show you i've changed.......
that you will tell me what i have to know, so i can change.......
change the way i do things..... that i'll think before i say anything.....
that i'll think of you before i do anything........
but not change the me you fell for so long ago......
he's still here... i'm still here.... just that i need you to pull me back up again.....
please come back....... please change your mind......
please i beg you...... please..................