Somehow i'm having problems tonight, putting into words how i'm feeling and what my thoughts are.
I can't seem to find the right words.
I've been going for mass everyday.
I walk to church and i walk home.
In a sense its like during those 2 and a half hours, i truly get to myself.
For thought and reflection.
Its refreshing in a sense.......
It also leaves me feeling a lot of things.....
In the end it leaves me with one thought.....

"God, please bring her back to me, let her come back to me.
If she does, i won't make those mistakes again.
I'll give her space, i won't bug to meet her so often.
I won't go as fast in the relationship. I'll slow down, I'll cool down.
Just please bring her back. I can't live with the knowledge that she hates me.
I can't live with the knowledge that i'll never have her again.
Please lord, i'm begging you. Bring her back. Let her come back.. please lord.
I'm on my knees, i'm begging.. please.....
Lord, i love her so much, and i still do.....
Lord, i miss her..... please lord.... please......"

Thats the thought, its long i know, but it comes from the heart, or what's left of it.
I wake up each morning everyday now like a zombie.
I continue to live because of the people around me.
Because they still want me to live.
I had lived perviously with the purpose that i was placed on this earth to love someone.
I found that someone, lost that someone, might never find her again.
Now i wake up feeling lost. like i don't have a purpose....
That purpose was taken away from me.
I guess i have to find it again. find my purpose again......

Watched charmed just now. Pheobe said something....
It struck me, left me with this thought.
"I can't put my life on hold, feeling down and depressed just cause of her.
As much as i feel like it, as much as i want to, i can't cause i have people around me that depend on me.
I have to move on, carry on. If she decides to ever come back to me, then we'll give it a shot, we'll try again,
But if she doesn't, you have to at least look strong, even though you don't feel strong...."
I guess i have to..... As much as i want to die.... i have to live on......

Artist: B*witched
Album: Awake & Breathe
Title: Blame It On The Weatherman


It's just one more day
No one said
There would be rain again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman
Get away for a while
Here i am out on my own again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Alone i can hear
Hear our song
Playing for me again
Won't blame it on myself
Just blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Maybe it's too late
Maybe it's too late to try again
Maybe i can't pray
Maybe i can't wait
Maybe i can't blame the weatherman

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Oh blame it on the weatherman