I'm going on a journey. A long ardous journey. A journey of self discovery. A journey to find my old self.
A self that is less scarred, less pessimistic, less dependent. a self that is happier, more joyous, more caring, more independent.
A self that was stronger.
Slowly but surely i'm going to find that self. That self was more lovable. That self was the one that a lot of people liked.
That self was the one that she fell for. I have to find him again. Find him, and become him again. become him, yet wiser from this lesson in life.
Finding the person that isn't so scarred, that isn't so hurt. perhaps if i find him again i'll be happier.
perhaps she'll love that person again.

I've changed into something that many people don't recognize.
A "monster" of sorts. a "monster" of pain.
I have to change back. Be who i was and who i really am.
A person of faith, a person of love, a person born to love.
I will be changing within this period of time.
You'll see me when i've found me.
You'll see the old boy again.
I get the feeling you want that old boy back....

The person you fell for and the person in the relationship and the person after the relationship.
I realize now they were 3 different people... very different... each after each worse and worse.
Time to shut up about the pain. time to shut up about the relationship.
What's happening is between just the people involved, no one else.
I'll still write. but i'll start writing relavant stuff.
I shall leave my love life out of my blog.
i shall leave my suffering and pain out of my blog.
cause its not the place for it.

From today onwards. i'm going to change for the better.
Going to find the old boy. yet share the experiences with the old boy and let him learn.
when he's back. you'll know. you'll see him. hopefully you'll love him again....

This journey that i'm going to go through.
Will take me through my flaws.
Hopefully change my flaws.
With God's help i'll become a better person.
For you, for everyone around me. but most importantly for me.
So i can be happy. so i can spread my joy to everybody around me.
So perhaps you can love me again.

This journey will help me grow. will help me move on.
Move on from the pain. Most importantly move on from the scars.
I've to find my optimism again.
I've to learn when to talk and when not to.
I've to learn to me more indepedent.
I've to learn many things again.

I hope you'll start talking to me again.
Remind me what i used to be like.
Remind me of the me you fell for.
Remind me of the friend i used to be.
Remind me of the person i used to be.
Most of all just remind me of me.
I just hope you'll start talking to me again.

In some strange harsh manner, you've been helping me along the way.
In a sense by all that's happened you've been forcing me to go in a direction that's supposedly good for me.
I guess i was just too blind to see the way i've actually been travelling.
Too caught up in my own world to really notice the people around me and the way i'm going.
Strange as it sounds. you've been a guiding light.
Indeed mysterious are his ways.

I'm going to be the old me again.
The old me, yet wiser and more mature.
More independent and stronger.
To learn to love slower.
To learn to be who i am all the time and not let my emotions sweep me off my feet.

I'm gonna be the old me again.
For me, For you, For the people around me.
Most of all So i can be happy and so you can love me again.
I'm gonna be the old me again.
Gonna be me again.
I pray when i find me, you can love me again.