You can tell me, your health and how you are is non of my concern anymore,
but i can't stop myself from caring. I can't stop myself from being concerned.
My heart becomes worried when i know she's injured.
I'll still care, i still show concern.
Why? I'm sure you all know the answer to that.

Its something that i can't stop doing.....
Its a feeling i can't stop....
I can't help it....
I'm not the sort who can just turn his heart cold.
I'm not the sort who can just stop caring.
I'm not the sort who will sto feeling.
I can't do that......

That's me. I care, i am concerned.
I love, cause i want to.

Can i love a little less? no i can't.
But i can love slower......
With effort, i can love slower.

Sighz... i guess its pointless for me saying all this...
I guess nothing in this world can bring you back to me ever again....
I wonder why i keep trying?
Its cause i don't know what else to do......
I can't bring myself to do anything else....

When you left me, life left with you....
Why can't i go back to the way i used to live before i met you?
Its cause there isn't anything to go back to.
I wasn't living anything, until i met you....

Why are relationships so important to me?
I finally have an answer...
It isn't the relationship, in fact, underlying all that, It was you....
you were important to me... you meant so much.
you still mean a lot...
You had given me every reason to love you.
All i had given you was every reason to hate me.....

With every step i pushed you away.....
Unknowingly i pushed you away from me.....
Yes i had loved too much....
Yes i had loved too fast....
Yes i had done a lot of things i shouldn't have....

I know all this now....
I've been working on them....
I've been trying my hardest to change them.....
In the end i'm still who i am....
Just that i'm going to do things differently now.....
If only you'll let me have a chance to show you.....
If only you'll see.....
If only......

Sunday's going to be my last day in choir.
I hope you'll at least try to see these changes....
I hope you'll stop looking at me with hate in your eyes....
I hope you'll stop looking at me with resentment.
sigh..... i can only hope......

Where's my silver lining?
Where's my Rainbow after the storm?
I haven't seen greener grass.
I can't seem to make out a bright side.

I'm standing on the other side of the fence.
I'm trying to find the light in my darkness.
Where do you start when there's nothing to work on?
Where do you go if there isn't any direction?

I'm stuck in quicksand, i'm sinking fast.
I'm lost in the night, with no stars to guide me.
Being eaten alive by my fears and doubts.
Slowly being killed by my pain and agony.

How do you move on, when there's nothing to move on to?
How do you carry on, when there isn't any hope left?
How can you love without a heart?
How can you feel without a soul?

Could you be so coldhearted as not to care?
Could you be so afraid as not to face me?
Could i be the one who's afraid?
Could i be the one who's trying not to care?

I can say, I've truly loved a person.
I have loved, only to be hated.
I still continue to love, as much as it hurts.
I continue cause i believe my love is true.

What's the point of loving a love that hurts?
Is there a point when you believe in something?
What's meant to be, is meant to be.
I believe its meant to be, Its been written in the stars.

Do the heavens weep, Just as my heart weeps?
Do they cry as hard as i cry for you?
Can my love withstand this test?
Can you find the grace to love me once again?

Can anybody love you as much as i do?
Can anyone love you more that i do?
Will i ever find my answer?
Will my prayer ever be answered?

Mistakes i've made, Mistakes i regret.
Blind i was to the signals that were sent.
I should have opened my eyes.
I should have seen.

Can all these be put in the past?
Can all the wounds ever be healed?
Can we be together again?
To learn from our faults and make us stronger?

Will you give me the chance?
Will you give me that hope?
Can you help me carry on?
Can you help me find life again?

Can you find the grace to help me?
Or are we too different in your eyes?
Am i such a hopeless cause that you cannot love me?
Or is the damage done impossible to repair?

I'm willing to try to repair what's been done.
I'm willing to try work on my flaws and weaknesses.
Will you open your eyes to see my efforts?
Or will you close your heart just as you are to me now?

Will you be willing to give me a chance?
Will you be willing to let me try?
Will you be willing to hear me out?
Will you be willing?

Somehow i'm having problems tonight, putting into words how i'm feeling and what my thoughts are.
I can't seem to find the right words.
I've been going for mass everyday.
I walk to church and i walk home.
In a sense its like during those 2 and a half hours, i truly get to myself.
For thought and reflection.
Its refreshing in a sense.......
It also leaves me feeling a lot of things.....
In the end it leaves me with one thought.....

"God, please bring her back to me, let her come back to me.
If she does, i won't make those mistakes again.
I'll give her space, i won't bug to meet her so often.
I won't go as fast in the relationship. I'll slow down, I'll cool down.
Just please bring her back. I can't live with the knowledge that she hates me.
I can't live with the knowledge that i'll never have her again.
Please lord, i'm begging you. Bring her back. Let her come back.. please lord.
I'm on my knees, i'm begging.. please.....
Lord, i love her so much, and i still do.....
Lord, i miss her..... please lord.... please......"

Thats the thought, its long i know, but it comes from the heart, or what's left of it.
I wake up each morning everyday now like a zombie.
I continue to live because of the people around me.
Because they still want me to live.
I had lived perviously with the purpose that i was placed on this earth to love someone.
I found that someone, lost that someone, might never find her again.
Now i wake up feeling lost. like i don't have a purpose....
That purpose was taken away from me.
I guess i have to find it again. find my purpose again......

Watched charmed just now. Pheobe said something....
It struck me, left me with this thought.
"I can't put my life on hold, feeling down and depressed just cause of her.
As much as i feel like it, as much as i want to, i can't cause i have people around me that depend on me.
I have to move on, carry on. If she decides to ever come back to me, then we'll give it a shot, we'll try again,
But if she doesn't, you have to at least look strong, even though you don't feel strong...."
I guess i have to..... As much as i want to die.... i have to live on......

Artist: B*witched
Album: Awake & Breathe
Title: Blame It On The Weatherman


It's just one more day
No one said
There would be rain again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman
Get away for a while
Here i am out on my own again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Alone i can hear
Hear our song
Playing for me again
Won't blame it on myself
Just blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Maybe it's too late
Maybe it's too late to try again
Maybe i can't pray
Maybe i can't wait
Maybe i can't blame the weatherman

The rain goes on (on and on again)(repeat x2)

Oh blame it on the weatherman

Just like there's a calm before every storm.
There's Joy before every pain.
There's love beofre every heartbreak.
There's happiness before hatred.

Life's left me twisted.
I feel like Smeagol.
That wretched and twisted creature from Lord of The Rings.
How he lives his life for his precious,
how when he loses his precious, he goes out ant searches for it.
How he'd do anything to get his precious back.
How ironic it would be if like smeagol, i'll only gain my precious back, seconds before death.

Jacinta commented that she doesn't recognise me anymore....
Doesn't recognise me cause i've become to weak....
I've become twisted. Twisted into a mere shadow of myself.
Twisted into something so ugly, so horrid, so unloveable.
So grotesque that nothing can love it ever again.
I don't recognise myself anymore.

Here's a question for all of you......
Should i die tomorrow, how would you remember me?
If you had to give my ulegy, the speech at the funeral, what would you say about me?

Let it be engraved on my tombstone,
"here lies Marcus Anthony Lin - Died of a broken heart - "
Let it be so, should i die......
let it be.......

It amazes me how quickly love can turn to replusion...
It amazes me even more how a good thing can turn into a nightmare.
Such as what has happened to me.......
Amazes me...... Stuns me..... Shocks me...... Hurts me......

sometimes i wonder if life's just a cruel game of chance.
sometimes i wonder what is all this pain we go through for.
such as the pain i'm feeling....
Scars me...... Pains me..... Agonizes me...... Hurts me......

a few weeks ago, things were fine....
if only i had shut my mouth and tied up my fingers... i had to sms her the wrong things....
i had to slip..... sigh......
Regrets are all i have left....
regrets of how i should have done this instead of that.
how i shouldn't have pushed where i shouldn't...
how i should have just let things be.....

If i were given another chance. i'd set everything right.
i'd not make the mistakes again.
i'd at least try to right my wrongs....

now i'm left with no hope.
Leaving the society soon.... leaving this world.
from one realm of pain and suffering to another.

I'd like to leave with the knowledge that she's forgiven me.
i'd like to leave with the knowledge that we're friends.
But i guess i can't......

Things are definately not going to be the same again.
I can only hope that we get over this and move on.
Should anything happen again between the 2 of us.
So be it.
Should it not, then i guess life'll have to go on.

Melissa asked me, if she asked of me to do something to prove my love. you'd do anything rite? anything she asked of you.
I replied, Yes, anything. If she asked of me anything i'd do it.

I said that my feelings had died. Well, it wasn't feelings. It was more of hope.
I still love her. I can't not love her. She was put on this earth to be loved.
She's still an angel in my eyes. She's still a being of perfection. She's still my perfect princess

She's someone i'm not worthy of having.
This wretched, twisted creature, is not worthy of having that person by his side.
I'll never be able to get her back. i've come to accept the fact. as much as it hurts. i'll never get her back.

Why show me a person of such perfection?
Why let me have a taste of what its like to have perfection?
When you will never ever let me gain it back?
Thus is human nature that we search for perfection in all things.
Thus now i have tasted it, in my heart and mind, i shall spend the rest of eternity searching for that perfection.
Why did you have to do this to me? why God, why?

Rhetorical question? yeap......
I might never get an answer.......
I can now only beg and plead that i find that perfection again.
A perfection that can only be found within her.

I miss her, but she hates me.
I love her, but she's repulsed by me.
Yet in some manner, its as if she's still calling out to me.
i think its just all in my mind.....

If i were to die tomorrow, would you cry?
If i were to lie on my deathbed and ask to see you, would you come?
If i had 2 months to live and i asked for you to spend my last days with me as we once were, would you?
The answers i can only guess at is a single word: "No"
I'm begging for forgiveness.....
As it is, i feel my death encroach.
I feel as if i were living my last days on earth.
maybe i'm just being pessimistic. but what if this feeling is true.
What if i perish?
Would you remember me? Would you cry?
I would rather spend a night loving you, than to spend eternity in heaven.
i truly would....
If i had to burn in hell, just to love you now.
I would.....
Yet, what use is me saying this now? when it does me no good?
When it brings me no closer to touching your heart again?
When it brings me no closer to you?
You have no idea how much i loved you and how much i still do.
Yet it does me no good. all it does is push you further away.
Alas, i'm left with one alternative.
To just dissappear... Would you miss me? Would you think of me?
I guess not.....
Thus, if you read this, i say this.....
"Good bye my love, goodbye forever. Should our paths cross again in romance, i shall thank god.
Should our paths never cross again, i thank god for letting me love you.
I thank you for the memories, both good and bad.
I thank you for the love we once shared.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye perfection.
Goodbye my princess.
Goodbye my angel.
Goodbye."