When a relationship, even a simple friendship, get to the stage where the 2 ppl can't say anything,
even a passing comment, a statement, even saying something that doesn't mean anything, without the other party taking it the wrong way,
and saying something hurtful back, you know that's the time to take a step back from it, disappear from the other persons life.
At least until all the hurting stops, when all the anger and hate and rage has faded, when everything is calm.

Everything just seems to cut like a knife now. everything......
everything she says, gives me a bitter sweet feeling.
at least she said something to me, that's the sweet part.
what she says, most of the time, more often than not, hurts.
that's with recent things... before.. long before... everything was fine.
now it all just seems like one sweet dream....
how i wish that dream would never have ended.
i woke up to a nightmare.... a horrid nightmare....

Why can't we stop hurting each other?
Why can't we just get along again?

Its amazing how something so good, so pure, so blest, like the relationship we had, could turn so bad and ugly in such a short time.
Honestly, i truly am sorry about how things between us turned out.
Too late to regret i guess.... its over now... over.....
its amazing, and also amazingly cruel, what's happened to us, and how it happened. just amazingly cruel.
how life put us in such a spot.
if i could turn back the hands of time, i would.
i'd change things. i'd cahnge so many of the things that happened between us.
too bad i can't. now its all over. its all gone.
only to live as a memory and a page in the book of our life.
i'll look back and smile at what we shared.
and shake my head at how it turned out.
too late to regret.... too late for anything now....
too late for "i miss you" too late for "i love you"
too late

A story

Once a long time ago, there was a guy.
This guy was searching for the girl of his dreams.
He searched all over, but could never find the girl of his dreams.
Then all of a sudden, one day, he met this girl.
At first they were good friends. Sent letters to each other, talked to each other whenever they could.
Slowly he realized that feelings had grown between this girl and himself.
Suddenly one day it hit him, this girl was the girl he had been searching for.
this girl was the girl that he spent his whole life searching for.
This girl is his perfect one, his angel, the girl of his dreams.
He took the risk one day to ask her to be his other half.
To his surprise, she said yes.
They spent the most wonderful of times together after that.
One month later, without warning and without a word, the girl left him.
He searched high and low, looking for her again, trying to find a reason to her leaving.
He didn't eat, didn't sleep, trying to devote as much time as he could to finding her.
Three months down the road, since the day she left, he still hasn't found her.
Yet he loves her each day, more and more.
Finally he tells himself that she's not going to come back.
That she's never going to reappear.
He decided that day, that he'd live his life again.
That he'd once again search for the girl of his dreams.
Holding in his heart an image of this most perfect of girls.

sound familiar? yeah it sure does......
its my story. i'm still searching for her. i know what she looks like, i know who she is.
God willing, i'll find her again.
God willing, she'll say yes to coming back to me again.
God willing, he'll make the both of us happy.
God willing, HE'll bring the both of us together again, my angel, angela, and i, for the rest of our lives.
God Willing.........
God willing, i'll be able to move on right now and learn to live without her.

My intention was never to ask you to come back to me.
As much as i want it to be like that, i know you won't come back.
My intention was to let you know that you'd never be without a person that loves you.
As long as i'm alive, with each breath i take, i'm loving you.
The part of me that's never left was the part that always cared for the people around me.
The part that listened. i'm always here for you my dear.
i always am and always will be but a phone call away.
i still do this because not only do i love you, above all else, i am your friend.
Its just a matter of whether you want to take me in as your friend or not.

turn to me whenever you're hurt.
turn to me whenever you're in pain.
turn to me whenever you cry.
turn to me whenever you fall.
turn to me whenever you are lost.
turn to me whenever you're lonely.
Rest assured that i'll do everything in my power to make you feel better.
That i'll do all i can to soothe your pain.
That there'll always be a shoulder to cry on.
That there'll always be a warm, loving embrace to hold you.
That there'll always be a hand to help you up.
That there'll always be a hand to catch you.
That there'll always be a light to shine your path.
I promise these because you're the love of my life.
I promise these because i love you more that words.
I promise these because i don't know what else to do.
I promise these because i'm your friend.
I promise these because i love you as a friend.
simply, i promise these because i love you in more ways than i can count.

take care and turn to me when you need help.
I'll try to catch you when you fall or pick you up when you've fallen.
i'll try to soothe your pains and heal your hurts.
i'll do all i can for you. all you have to do is ask.

Valentine's day, well, was alright......
went for dinner with a few friends, then chit chatted till like 1 am.
it was fun in the mellowed out sort of way.
got to know a few of them better.

a month and day more. sighz.

you know,
It seems that on special occasions, i can't help but think of you.
strange isn't it? i spent the whole of v-day missing you.
to be honest, i still do love you.
to be frank i still do miss you.
but it seems that from what i've read.
i guess the reverse isn't true for you.
you probably have someone else now.

you know i never meant to hurt you.
all i had wanted to do was to love you.
to let you feel love. i hope you felt it.
cause i did, and i still do.
i don't know if by telling my i've changed in a bad way,
is your way of telling me that you much preferred the old me.
well, i'm on my way to finding him. its been going well.
slowly i'm recovering part by part.
i said you'd see me again when i find me again.
i never lied to you before. you will.
when i'm ready, when i'm healed, when i'm me again.

i still don't know why it happened.
if it happened cause you heard from someone about me.
cause you heard something bad. i hope you'll tell me what it is.
maybe i can clarify.
It seems as though the air between us really has to be cleared.
so that i can see you clearly again, and that you can see me clearly again.
i hope we'll get to do that soon.
we are still friends aren't we?
i hope we are. i really do.

i guess there isn't much else to say for me.
you know everything there is to know about me.
you know i will never lie to you.
you know i will never intentionally hurt you.
you know that i still love you.

should one day you get lost.
should one day you get hurt.
should one day you feel pain.
know that i am always here for you.
my arms always reach out to you.
my arms always open to embrace you.
my lips always ready to kiss you.
my ears always ready to listen to you.
my heart and soul always ready to love and comfort you.
why you may ask,
it is because i love you.