I am without thought.

I am without words.

I am without speech.

I am without inspiration.

I am without life.

I am without love.

I am without YOU.

I am nothing without YOU.

I would gladly sacrifice everything i have to have you back again.
i would gladly forsake everything i have now to just have you in my arms once again.
i would gladly give up everything i have to be able to spend my life with you.

I am without you. i am nothing. i am me. i am lost. i am hurt. i am in pain. i am forsaken. i am lifeless. i am loveless. i am without you. i am hopeless. i am without you. i miss you.

It just seems as thought here's a sudden loss of inspiration, how suddenly there isn't anything to write about.
I'm back to being lost again.... then again since that day i've been lost.
I was thinking about a lot of things last night.
Been talking to a few of my friends quite a bit.
i realized many things. One of them is why i love her so much and why she means so much to me.
Yeah, i've written about it before. i might be covering what i said before. i don't care.

i love her because of who she is and how she is.
because of the beauty that she also posseses on the outside, her outward confidence, her smile, her laugh.
everything about her.
i love her because of her intellect. the conversations we had.
i love her because of her caring nature. her loving nature.
mostly because of because of who she is inside. the inner beauty and light that just seems to radiate from her being.
and also because of how she made me feel.
when i'm with her i'm walking on air, everything's brighter, everything's fresher.
She awakens my senses to everything. She make me feel so much more alive.
It because of the energy she has. and the love that she shared with me.
perhaps that's what its like to be in love. but yet, with her it was different.
it was feelings that i just described, yet i never felt with anyone else before.
Those are just some of the reasons why loved her and why i love her still.

Now i try to move on, but its like walking in mud. the heavy drudgery of life that i never felt when i was with her.
its all returning. returning and hitting me hard.
honestly i miss her so much. so very much.....
i wake up missing her most mornings.......
in fact.... i wake up missing her every morning now.....
which makes disappearing all the more difficult......
the last entry was supposed to be the last that had her in it.
yet....

she was my inspiration to live.
she was my inspiration to write.
she was my inspiration to sing.
now that's all gone. she's with someone else.
she's someone else's darling now.
all that's in the past and its gone.
only a distant memory lingers.
it lingers and haunts my thoughts.